Is this what it feels like to be a parent?

"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
08/08/2017 at 18:24 • Filed to: None

I have two bottles of red wine open. The first is an Italian red wine from Abruzzo. I only bought it because 1) I wanted a red wine. 2) it was $9 3) one of my grandfathers was Abruzzese.

The other is a Spanish red wine from Alicante. Alicante is a D.O., so the wine is an Alicante. I don’t know that Abrruzo is a D.O. I suspect not.

Alicante is fun to say. Abruzzo, not so much.

The Spanish wine is really very good. Its goodness makes me happy, and I shall seek to keep it stocked.

The Italian wine is kind of a disappointment. It’s not bad per se, but next to the very good Spanish wine, it seems particularly bad.

As a result, despite both being in my house, I’m sort of ignoring the Italian wine. To be honest, I sort of resent it for costing me money. I don’t see my investment ever paying for itself.

I’m inclined to ignore the Italian wine. I don’t particularly care if it falls in with a bad crowd and develops a drug addiction. As long as it doesn’t bring its junkie friends back home to steal my valuables to pay for crack, I really don’t care. Eventually it’ll end up in jail; I won’t bail it out.

I’ve written off the Italian wine.

The Spanish wine is the wine whose future I care about. It’ll probably go to Columbia. It could have done better, but it’s a $12 wine and you takes the cards you’re dealt. There’s always med school, and at least it isn’t Cornell.

The trajectory of both wines is pretty evident, and I don’t feel bad about ignoring the one that is clearly inferior.

Oppo parents: this what it feels like to be a parent?

Feel free to answer truthfully. The only child who will look up your comment history is the one you’ve already decided is a loser.

DISCUSSION (29)

jvirgs drives a Subaru > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:29

Get yourself some blackberry brandy and add it to a red wine. Goes even better with fruity wines.

WilliamsSW > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:31

Kinja'd!!!

Ha - true story, I emailed this photo to my CFO earlier this afternoon, after I told him to have a glass of wine for me (he’s on vacation), and he wanted to know why I said only one.

I only have 1 kid, and he’s only a year old - so I can’t comment, other than to say don’t waste the wine. Once the Spanish red is gone, then the Italian won’t look so bad.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:31

That’s because you bought shit Italian wine you God damn peasant. DOCG or GTFAC.

Honeybunchesofgoats > jvirgs drives a Subaru
08/08/2017 at 18:31

I like where you’re going with this, because it means two kinds of alcohol instead of one, but I don’t like sweet alcohol. My ideal wine would only taste better if you added soil and cigarette butts.

ttyymmnn > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:32

The only advice I have ever given another parent is to say, “It never gets easier or harder. It just gets different.” You may not always be successful, but you have to try. Trying is hard work, and you have to give up a lot of yourself. You’ll eventually get yourself back when they move out, but you won’t be the same person, for better or for worse. It is pain and reward, hopefully in equal measure, but the reward is kind of like playing the slots: you may have to lose for a long time before you win. Good luck. And remember, a good bottle of wine is one you like.

ttyymmnn > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:32

jvirgs drives a Subaru > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:33

Haha. My mom and her husband add blackberry brandy to just about everything. It does go well with even the dry reds.

WilliamsSW > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:33

Sooo, add some Scotch instead then?

Honeybunchesofgoats > WilliamsSW
08/08/2017 at 18:35

That’s good thinking.

One time I explained to girlfriend that I would have three children, but be explicit about one being my favorite and loving it the most. The rationale was that the other two would work harder to succeed and please me by buying me things like houses, whereas the favorite could be a loser, but they’d be the favorite because they were the favorite. She didn’t think that was a good idea.

She also didn’t think it was a good idea to have twins, but completely ignore one to the point of not even naming it just to see how the two would develop differently.

That relationship did not last.

Honeybunchesofgoats > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
08/08/2017 at 18:36

But WHY do the French and Spanish get making good shitty wine, but not the Italians? Why are they so high and mighty that all of their shitty wines have to be shitty?

Honeybunchesofgoats > WilliamsSW
08/08/2017 at 18:37

The thought of mixing a very dry red wine with Laphroaig makes me want to throw up. And yet... I don’t know if my life would be complete without trying it.

WilliamsSW > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:37

That does seem like an excellent way to separate women looking to settle down from women who are just looking for a fling.

Honeybunchesofgoats > WilliamsSW
08/08/2017 at 18:39

As my grandmother once said, you’re either in it for a long haul psychological experiment on your children that may violate the Nuremberg Code, or you’re two passing ships in the night.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:41

Because they’re Italian God damnit! Also most of their good wine is the same price as average French wine.

WilliamsSW > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:41

I’m pretty sure that’s a horrible idea - was going to suggest vodka, then thought more about the soil/cigarette thought.

Honeybunchesofgoats > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
08/08/2017 at 18:44

I have a real love-hate relationship with Italians. They’re either charming and I love them, or they’re obnoxious and I despise them with the fire of a thousand suns. That’s a country that does not have a middle ground.

WilliamsSW > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:44

Heaven forbid you meet a woman who decides she likes door #1 there.

Honeybunchesofgoats > WilliamsSW
08/08/2017 at 18:45

In general, mixing any alcohol types will give me a hangover. Drinking them together will probably make my head go all Scanners.

Honeybunchesofgoats > WilliamsSW
08/08/2017 at 18:46

I always pick the door with the Zonk.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:48

Well either your fiat is running or it’s not, pretty simple.

WilliamsSW > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:48

Then your life may be complete if you do try it - and not in a good way. I don’t see ANY possible way where combining scotch and red wine will end well.

WilliamsSW > Honeybunchesofgoats
08/08/2017 at 18:49

We’ve all done that a few times...

Honeybunchesofgoats > WilliamsSW
08/08/2017 at 19:00

Neither do I, but I must try it in the name of science.